Can’t We All Just Get Along?

“It is better to dwell in a corner of the house top, than with a brawling woman in a wide house.”  Proverbs 21:9

What do you picture when you read this verse?  In my mind’s eye I see a pitiful, henpecked husband sitting up on the roof top of the house.  He’s got a book to read, some water to drink, and maybe a sandwich for when he gets hungry because he’s done this before, and he knows that he could be up there for a while.  Meanwhile, down below, inside the house I can picture the wife.  She is throwing things, yelling at the kids, who have hidden themselves somewhere in the house, and she is threatening to go on strike because she doesn’t feel appreciated.  Of course, not every home is like this, thank the Lord, but there are some families who are majorly dysfunctional, more so than other families.  I think all families are dysfunctional to some degree or another.  I suppose the Biblical term for that would be “living in the flesh”.

King Solomon wrote the Proverbs, and I suspect he was very familiar with brawling women since he had 700 wives and another 300 secondary wives called concubines.  I would also suspect that there was a lot of jealousy between all of these women.  Most of us can’t understand how 1,000 women could share one man.  That boggles the imagination.  We don’t know if Solomon ever went up on the rooftop of his magnificent palace or not, but he probably had a “safe space” in that huge residence in which to retreat when things got rowdy.  But, we don’t want to let the husbands off the hook.  They, too, can be difficult to live with, particularly those who expect to be waited on hand and foot.  Ephesians 5:25 tells husbands to love their wives as Christ loved the church and gave His life for it.  Jesus never mistreated or will mistreat any one, particularly those who are His bride, the church.   Christian husbands are to be the compassionate servant-leaders of their homes.  Many men would be surprised at how much more peaceful their homes would be if they would follow this admonition.

In this day and age, multitudes of two parent families have two breadwinners, thus the most efficient and fair way is to split the chores, the child-rearing, and the income.  There are some couples who have his money, her money, and their money, and that’s fine as long as it works for them.  In my case, my husband and I combined our incomes because when we married, we became one.  When our children were small, I stayed at home with them.  My husband went to work every day to earn our living, and I considered taking care of the house as my job.  He did help around the house with certain chores and with the kids.  He was a great handyman, and we worked together to create a stable and comfortable home.  We enjoyed helping each other.  Now that he is in heaven, I not only miss him, but I miss all the things that we did together.

Husbands and wives who create tension in the home need to realize how this affects the children.  Some couples believe they have been able to keep their arguments and fights out of sight of the children, but children are smart, and they know when Mom and Dad aren’t getting along.  Sometimes children think that they are the cause of the problems between Mom and Dad.  I heard a preacher on the radio say that most parents mess up in the job of rearing children from time to time, but if the children know that Mom and Dad love each other, it makes up for a lot of mistakes that the parents make.

God gives us the ability to control our emotions.  I remember in an episode of Everybody Loves Raymond, Debra, the wife, was having a very bad episode of PMS, and was driving her husband Ray crazy.  (Of course, he could be pretty insensitive at times).  She was yelling and fussing at him when the phone rang.  It was her best friend, and it was astonishing at how fast Debra changed her tune and her tone.  She was laughing and talking with Amy, and Ray stood there with a look of disbelief on his face.  The bottom line is that we all need to be a little more patient with our family members.  They should be the ones who most deserve our kindness and attention.  It all falls back to the Golden Rule:  Do unto others as you would have them do unto you, and this applies to spouses, children, and parents as well as all others.  If you want to get along with others, then be like Jesus.